Killing Fields

The birthday has come and gone, it's so sad. I only started really enjoying it at about 8.00. Winnie picked me up and we went for Anak Bulan Kampung Wa Hassan. Read all about it!

The play was really good. The fact that it was a true story, that's what I had to come to grips with. It's not a fictional village, it's a real village lost in Singapore's bid to development. It echoes the sentiments we all have about losing our kampungs (village/home town).

I've never had the oppurtunity to really have a kampung, because all my aunts and uncles moved our of the house when they were really young and settled in KL, and after the tragic death of my grandmother, Malacca was only discussed with copious amounts of alcohol involved.

I've been to the houses, and I love the memories they tell me, that still live there. However, they are fraught with pain and to watch the ones I love touch walls gently, tell me this is the window they used to sneak out of with the gardener's son... with tears in their eyes. It's a little too much for me.

Anyway. I identified with this Malaysian grappling for modernity, at the expense of ridding ourself of old traditions, customs, everything. The banning and gradual dying out of the Malaysian art scene due to unchecked religiousity is sad, to say the very least.

I remember having a conversation with this guy, Sham in Zouk. He tells me he loves Eddin Khoo who works with PUSAKA in an effort to preserve mak yong, wayang kulit etc. We had an in-depth conversation one night ignoring the loud thumping beats, frustrated about what was happening.

It was fortunate that Eddin Khoo managed to interview Awang Dollah Baju Merah before he passed on. But the art is dying a painful, wretched death. In my 23 years, I have only seen wayang kulit about 5 times, and I am extremely grateful for that.

My brother barely knows about dikir barat, and those were the songs of my childhood. I was in the dikir barat team, sang syair in class, did pantuns, and now these kids don't even know anything...

I went for a music festival months ago, and they were performing a tarian zapin. I got really excited because we learnt it one year in primary school for a Tunas Puteri performance, and it would be great to watch something I performed again. Much to my dissapointmend it was so bastardised and watered-down it wasn't even funny.

At the end of that night, Sham tells me how much he's enjoyed that conversation and how he's happy we have someone like Eddin to fight the good fight. I echoed his feelings and the rest of the night was spent listening to the pulsating beats in an ultra-modern city, in an ultra-modern club, forgetting.


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Ladytron- Seventeen

All Your Base Belong To Us

So how bout that coup, eh? Yellow ribbons and red roses, you go Thailand. I know historically that coups have never been good news, always leading to a bloodbath or some sort of major unrest. However, in my current situation-cynical-this sounds quite liberating. Not only that, but I have extreme pride for our neighbours.

It's something Malaysians would never do, and I don't mean it because we're this bersopan-santun, berbudi-bahasa bunch. We're too complacent and hungry (for food) most of the time to really do anything real.

I don't know if it's because I have been, for the past few months, highly sensitized towards the events happening in my unfortunate middle-class sphere, but all these talks, all these forums. Anwar, Nazri, DAP etc. It's all hot air. A bunch of us sitting around discussing and debating on things that will ultimately never happen, 1988 Judicial Crisis anyone?

With no offence to my academician friends who all believe talking, talking, talking! is the solution to getting somewhere, my enthusiasm is waning.

I went for that DAP talk, the one where Datuk Nazri graced us with his presence, only to make really ridiculous comments, about "I am not convinced there needs to be a judicial review, because we need finality."

Finality? When a high court judge is tried in a tribunal where people of lesser rank, and someone very likely to be his successor leads this "inquisition?"

So now, we have one ailling man who will never have his name cleared, and our beloved Minister of Law is "not convinced?"

Please la. Spare me the BS. Also, what does it say when a law student, from one of our's country's finest institutions of learning comes and says we shouldn't review the crisis, instead leave it there as our nation's black mark because we should learn from it.

The Anwar talk. Oh, DSAI has all my respect, however he is still a politician with his own agenda. He talks about reform, the NEA and eradicating poverty irrespective of race... but, how many of the larger majority will agree to this? After years and years of playing the racial card, I honestly believe this is not something we can acheive in my lifetime.

You have people blaming the "backwardness" of Malays in Penang on the Chinese MP because he's Chinese and must have helped the Chinese only. Anwar proferred an opinion, talking about the misappropriation of funds in East Malaysia, led by a Muslim MP. In other states as well, but who needs logic, when we can play race, right? It's so much more funner.

Finally, a young Malay boy stands up during the talk and tells the room and DSAI that he believes Bumiputera status should be abolished, because everyone is equal in this nation. But, no.... DSAI evades the question saying that if the economic pie was evenly distributed Bumi rights should not be a problem.... I agree. I totally agree, but!

You know, we have this minor problem called- the people.

We have our PM "expressing shock" :O SHOCK HORROR, that this isn't the "proper way to change the government." Then what is? The Thais voted, judged annulled, and still the autocrat stayed. He stayed! The arrogance.

A few years back in the last elections, a friend of mine had the oppurtunity to sit in on the voting and had 900 invisibles come to vote, from the same address. That has to be a really enormous house, ah? Please, don't talk to me about democracy.

You know what I want? I want to do something, something that will change things. Not in this middle class, KL-centric sphere, but outside, for the people. The people who have no voice, whose lives and futures depend on the policies the state puts into effect. It seemed at first that debate and discussion at these forums might be a good idea, and in no way am I belittling the people who work hard everyday in their respective NGOs, but we're all outside the system... how to get in? How to facilitate actual change without becoming embittered and angst-ridden?

HOW HOW HOW? And most of all, how do you continue when your efforts are underappreciated and met with resistance and cynicality from the rest of the population who are too apathetic to do anything about everything?

Especially the college students in my current sphere. They really just don't give a shit. They don't. They seem to have this delusional idea that all the policies and events have no place in their lives, when it really is quite the contrary? Some of which don't even know who their local MP is, no idea what the NEP is, don't know about the Constitution?

Who feign shock horror at the thought of writing or reading about something other than campus events? Tell me!

Anyway. Enough ranting for the day, I want to go an enjoy the rest of my birthday. Toodles.